You Will Never Guess Who I Met While Filling Out an Online Dating Profile

The anonymity of the Internet does something to the human psyche. It lets you strip away all the worries of acceptance and rejection and get down to the honest, bare-bone truth of yourself. By the time you get to the end, you know what you really are all about and you know which questions you don’t have answers for.

I finally bit the bullet and joined the online dating world. I feel so ashamed and awed by the whole thing at the same time.

I’m not really sure why I did it to start with. Was it the smiling faces of all the happy couples? Was it this seemingly magical idea that I might meet people different from the ones I meet or talk with on a daily basis? Maybe it was this evil side of me that just wanted to see what other people are really like when you strip away all the smoke and mirrors. I just don’t know.

I don’t really have trouble getting a date. I don’t really want to meet someone right now, and I’m definitely not interested in a relationship. There’s a bit of a negative connotation associated with these types of places as well. It’s almost like admitting defeat and saying you’re desperate to hook up with almost anyone. Even if it means coming in contact with society’s underbelly.

I can’t figure it out and am still mulling it over. No matter the final answer, it was one of the best things I’ve done for me in a very long time.

To Get To an Online Dating Site, You Need To Take the Road To Discovery

Once I got past all the typical advertising and age/sex/location brouhaha, I got into the big questions. You know, the ones that make your palms sweaty, your heart beat in your ears, and your nerves feel like one of those electricity balls that make your hair stand on end. These were the questions I hate answering on the best of days, but something compelled me to go forward.

What would you say are your strongest qualities? What would others say about you? How would you describe yourself? The list went on and on, page after page.

As I went through the questions, however, I found myself going back over my answers and really looking at what I had written. Was that really what I thought, or was that what I’ve been told to say? Is that really the truth, or is that the socially acceptable answer? I truly discovered the power of internal dialogue and the outside world’s ability to influence that.

Many of the answers I’d written were thoughts that have been pounded into my head through years of marriage and living with a dominate family. I’d written in one spot that I disliked sports. Did I really? No, I disliked sports because my spouses and family disliked it. I found I actually liked watching certain ones when I really thought about it. Going to a game is as much about the action as it is about the chance to get away and enjoy just ‘being’ for awhile.

Now, I won’t lie. It was a grueling process that forced me to face a lot of things I didn’t want to deal with, but by the time I reached the eighth page (or whatever it was. There were a lot of pages!), I knew myself better than I ever did before.

No Matter Who You Meet, You’ll Always Find the Perfect Person First

I still haven’t finished putting the pictures or anything in the profile. I haven’t started digging through lists of eligible bachelors or even set it up for others to contact me. But I’ve met someone I want to spend the rest of my life getting to know. Me.

Image: Helga Weber

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6 Responses to “You Will Never Guess Who I Met While Filling Out an Online Dating Profile”
  1. Else

    This part really got to me:

    “Did I really? No, I disliked sports because my spouses and family disliked it. I found I actually liked watching certain ones when I really thought about it.”

    I’m sitting here wondering how many of my whims are a direct result of reaction to others instead of thoughtful personal choice. I’m not “on the market” but it might be good for me to fill one of those forms out!

    Going to a baseball game tomorrow to see if you’re right!

  2. I’ve never used a dating site, but I really like the photo of you with the computer and another photo on the computer. Great styling.

  3. Connie

    Hi Alyssa!

    Which site did you use? If you don’t mind saying. I’m just over a year past my divorce and while it’d be great to meet somebody nice, I’ve a feeling that meeting myself might be a good start. =)

  4. Alyssa

    Hi Else

    I definitely think you should (just might want to explain things to your significant other so there’s no panic or misunderstandings ;) ). I was really disappointed that I hadn’t done this years earlier.

    Hi Connie

    I used eHarmony. Not sure why. It just seemed to have the best understanding of singles and the one I related to the most. From the outside, Match.com looked good too, but I have no idea what it’s process is like.

    Happy exploring

    Alyssa

  5. Alyssa

    Hi Tora

    That’s not me, but thank you. I’d never used a dating site before either. Using one of them is almost like admitting to yourself that there’s something wrong with you because you can’t find a significant other of your own. Not sure, but that’s what it feels like to me. Almost like admitting defeat. In fact, I still haven’t made my profile public yet. I’m sure glad I did the questions though!

    All the best

    Alyssa

  6. I have a secret to tell you…but only if you promise not to tell anyone else…except…ya know…everyone else who reads this comment. I mean, that’s okay I guess. ;-)

    Mr. Graves and I met online. True story. I wasn’t “looking” for a relationship either and to tell you the truth, I hadn’t been “single” for more than 6 months since I was 16 years old. But on a whim I did it. I filled out the forms, answered the questions, uploaded a few pics…and then promptly forgot all about it for about 3 months. Little did I know that during those 3 months, Mr. Graves had grown quite curious about your’s truly. Somehow I managed to remember about my online membership and checked my emails and there he was. I almost thought nothing of it but responded back with a “Hi, how ya doin’” and that “Hi, how ya doin’” led to an incredible friendship and pretty great marriage. There are definitely dangers associated with dating online but there are also success stories. And had I not taken the opportunity to learn a little something about myself and try something different, I would have missed out on the love of my life.

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